Sentimental Ode Upon a Hungry h4x0r*
by Robert Rose-Coutré
[*The poem is written in a hybrid 73k13 933k jargon that stymies even the 1337 c0d3br34k3r$.]

At lunch I went for a megabyte
at an Internet café
he couldn’t parse my kilobaud right
and tried to beam me away

I asked the B1FF cashier
for grubular-P intervention
but he either didn’t hear
or didn’t know the -P convention

so you want food for free
without an ObjectID
why didn’t you ASCII

At lunch I went for a megabyte
at an Internet café
I struggled with the neophyte
I was dying of bit decay

incompatible sustenance version
my hunger interrupt display
bound in a tail recursion
another Multics flag day

include, include, include
food, food, food
for a hungry h4x0r d00d

I pinged a virtual server
a wannabe, newbie, rookie
a Linux food converter inserted
crumbs from a third-party cookie


those obsoleted balloonian variables
I declared granfalloonian parables
then I TANSTAAFL’ed their incorrect PC

I tried to call in my order
which was sent to eternal defrag
then tweaked by an uber-newb hoarder
playing infinite phone metatag

By now my image of hope
was an IBM assembly of SOAP
the image of a corrupted src
with coffee on a wireless ISP

and so my plug-n-pray went all out
on a qwerty mailto protocol of doubt
where dreams are commented out

but the server host was fake
the bboard was not condoned
the payware was an Itanic mistake
the posers were purely pwned

pwned the streaming packet of veeblefesters
via the elders, the asteroids, and the tempesters

I couldn’t get back to work
the breadcrumbs were all berzerk
It was a mockery
of lunchbreak ad-hockery

In retrospective, was it really ad-hoc
or just one mental geek code block
only a post-mortem will undead
the forum’s lamplight thread

in footer vAlign bottom defeat
I retired to forty-two l337 47r337
where I found div-rent in the sun
south of the border: none

Finally I died and avoided hell
via transitional xhtml
Instead I went to binary heaven
where 1 + 1 = 10

still, finally, after all the fuss,
4ll y0ur b4s3 4r3 b3l0ng t0 u5

At lunch I went for a megabyte
at an Internet café
dazzled by the panel blinkenlight
I woke and restarted my day

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